Madrid to Bilbao (340 miles)

Day 11 – Madrid to Bilbao (340 miles)

The site we stayed at last night near Madrid worked out to be very good actually and definitely a place to think about for the summer time. During the depths of winter, however, it’s not much to shout about really; nothing more than an expensive safe haven and a shower block. As the last few days have been very warm and sunny, it was odd watching the kids throwing snowballs at each other across the frozen swimming pools now that we have moved north and beyond 1000m above sea level.

As we left, we realised that we had managed to use the electric hook up without actually paying for it. Even though we had paid more than 50 euros for just one night, it was an extra 4 Euros for electricity. They had initially escorted us to a pitch without lekky, but after driving around town for a bit, we returned to a more level pitch that happened to have a power supply. It wasn’t much cop though because it kept tripping out if we used more than just one heavy watted item at a time.

The Tom Tom was instructed to take us to the next site north east of Bilbao which it did very well. The owner of the site had told us to arrive before 5pm or face parking in the car park for the night. As became customary during this trip, we arrived with just one minute before closing time and after struggling to found the reception area (it was just a buzzer on a wall) we were given the freedom to berth anywhere we liked. Three pitches drew our attention and one after the other we bowled up only to find that the electricity wasn’t working. Another down side to travelling low season. We returned to the main field (10 yards from the car park) and got the hook up working fine. Fine for a minute anyway.

The electricity kept tripping out so, after a couple of tries, I changed the port I was plugging into and not only did the lekky survive the abuse we gave it, but the buzzing from the meter box also stopped. This, as I will explain, brings me on to that list of things I should have bought with me.

Four weeks ago I wouldn’t have had a clue about reverse polarity. I’m not that much of an expert now it has to be said, but I do know what it is. Unfortunately, I don’t know when it exists because I didn’t bring a reverse polarity tester with me. To make me look even sillier, I nevertheless bought with me a European plug wired for a reversed polarity supply. How I thought this reversed wired applicator could be used when I was never to know when it needed to be used is beyond me now but that’s where I’m at. Der brain.

Anyway, in my defence, I tried very, oh ok, quite hard to buy one, but Barrons were out of stock and the camping shops I subsequently went in didn’t have any either so I was forced to travel and take my chances. Up until last night I thought reverse polarity was a bit of a hyped up propaganda in the same category dreamt up by the campsites when warning of the ‘gassing and robbery’ at the Aires. However, in the same way I have had [second hand] experience of camper vans being gassed and robbed, I now think I have had first hand experience of reverse polarity. The first clue was with the hoover not working anymore. The second clue was with the extreme buzzing from the fuse box. I think I have managed to pogger the [Sir] Dyson by charging it on a reversed circuit. Also, when I changed the buzzing plug points, the tolerance of the burden on the circuit significantly increased. So, although now it’s too late, I have learned that you can tell if your hook up is incorrectly wired if it buzzes loudly. I suppose, however, that I could have learned that too if I had managed to get a reverse polarity tester and bought it with me. If I had managed to get one of those before I left, I might still have a hoover that works which would have been really handy today when Mrs.F accidentally threw an entire packet of Rice Crispies everywhere.

The drive up to Bilbao was dominated by the last 30 miles or so heading north east to where the campsite was. The roads resembled those seen on the Italian Job (the Michael Cain one). Dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah, de dah dah dah. Jeez, up up, down down. Hairpins, cliffe edges. Everything. To top it all, the final 500 metres up to the site was so steep that the van nearly didn’t make it. It was at least a one in 15. Then, of course, we had to do it all over again in the morning on our way to the port, but this time with me being on the cliffe side and with the disadvantage of a very strong wind that had whipped up during the night. I remembered the tip about parking facing the breeze, but there was no breeze when we arrived yet by the morning the wind was full on our beam at about force 6. This meant most of us had had weird wind related dreams mostly involving rolling down the edge of a cliffe and crashing.

I deliberately chose the site a Lekeitio because it meant we wouldn’t have any trouble plodding off into Bilbao to get the ferry the next day at 12’ish. Yeah right! First of all, we had the 30k of loopy lanes to navigate then the very poor street signs pointing out the ferry port to miss. It seemed to me that there was literally just one sign saying ‘ferry this way’ and it came too late for me. I had long since committed to follow the truck in front which went straight into some kind of customs area I quickly did an illegal U-turn and proudly lied to my confused family that ‘I forgot to fill up on cheap fuel before heading back’. I then got back on the motorway and headed for the next exit where a fuel station saved my blushes. Looking at the video, I can now see that the exit was clearly signed so it must have just been me that missed it, probably distracted by the map on the Tom Tom.

Next time round, I followed the signs and got on the waiting boat no trouble. The weather is a bit desperate so it looks like we are in for a well dodgy crossing. The captain has already extended the crossing time by an hour and that’s before we have even left.

Shortly before boarding the ferry, we topped over 2,000 driving miles in the van. Without a doubt the longest drive I have ever been on. Apart from one forced spell, I have done all of those 2,000 miles behind the wheel. I will document my full views later, but it is suffice to say that I am massively impressed with the van and how it has performed. When fully loaded, it is a bit slow off the blocks, but once it’s off, it just keeps going and going so that on the whole, we have been cruising between 70 and 85 mph. Very little fatigue and absolutely no quibbles whatsoever. I couldn’t have asked for more. It definitely gets a 10 out of 10 for the driveability aspect and the habitation side doesn’t come far behind either.

We are now on our way home and on reflection this trip has been more of a roadtrip than a Christmas adventure. We’re all glad to be going home, but we’ll all be a bit sad to have effectively lost a Christmas because no matter how you dress it up, unless you are at home, Christmas just isn’t Christmas…

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Crossing into Spain..

An underwhelming moment, but a moment captured nonetheless. Seasonal music too...


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Update on the last few days...

Day 5 Vilanova to Rojales – 400 miles

We decided not to stay another day in Vilanova and chose instead to head straight for the olds. This took about 6 hours in all. We arrived to wide smiles just as it was getting dark. Hoorah!

The drive on this stretch was a bit boring really compared to the landscapes seen across France. The road lanes seemed a bit narrower and the drivers definitely more aggressive and reluctant to let us through. There was a lot more traffic and towards the end, I started to show my first signs of driver’s fatigue. My back ached at bit and my right leg was a teeny bit sore, but other than that, since finally getting that seat in the right position, driving has been very easy and very comfortable. Everyone else on the other hand was, by the time we got there, well and truly fatigued. In fact, for the first time in the whole 1,379.4 miles, that phrase “Are we there yet?” came out.

Having the spare bedroom to use in the olds’ house meant an opportunity for a new sleeping arrangement in the van. So, the 16 year old went upstairs and me and Mrs. F went at the back. The rest of the clan stayed indoors. The back bed is made up from cushions from the seats and ‘blocks’ of foam stuff as gap fillers. These fillers are oddly thinner than the seat cushions which means that unless you put them on the outsides where ones feet and head go, your bed ends up feeling a bit like a flat lilo in an empty swimming pool. We had a dry swim last night so I shall be putting the blocks in the right place for tonight.

Today and for the next few days, we are just going to be hanging out and relaxing with our folks and do not expect to do much driving. Hopefully, the sun will shine a bit so we can take in some rays and maybe clean the van which really needs it, both inside and out. A couple of things have broken in the van and surprisingly a couple of things have gone missing too, like the camera case; there one minute, gawn the next. Having it empty of us all for a while should enable us to give it a thorough service which should mean finding all those bits and bobs.

Day 6 – Torrevieja (20 miles)

We went out for a gad around Torrevieja and into a huge Carrefour. It was a total nightmare to park the white whale in the car park. We ended up taking up two spaces. The van immediately attracted some attention from some ‘hoodies’ who kept staring at us waiting for us to wander off before having a go at breaking in. I doubled back out of their sight, went straight up to them and took their picture. I then pointed to the van and said ‘No’ lots of times. This made them run off and after that I felt a lot safer about the van and ultimately, it was left alone.

I tried out the shower in the van today, but gave up quickly after banging my elbow more times that a champion arm wrestler. Not only is the space very small, but the water pressure is so slow that the water comes out at just like it does when you’re in the swimming pool and you squirt it out of your mouth. It might be something to do with the low voltage here, but as I haven’t tried it anywhere else, I don’t know if that is normal or if there is something I can do about it. Either way, it doesn’t matter much because we can use the olds’ shower anyway.

We’re all looking forward to our second Christmas tomorrow.

Merry Christmas – part 2

Today we had our second Christmas and much to our four year old’s surprise, Santa visited twice this year. We didn’t quite manage to have lunch outside, but it was till odd scoffing sprouts with the sun shining so bright outside. On Boxing Day we did actually manage lunch outside in the sun. Very nice.

Day 10 Rojales to Madrid (350 miles)

We started our trip home today and decided to make two over night stops before our ferry leaves Bilbao on Friday lunchtime. Before we waved goodbye to the olds, we gave the van a really good clean on the inside and got everything ready. We also had to reinstall all of those Christmas presents we had spent so long wrapping and hiding. It’s amazing that despite all of the planning around what to take/not take and where to put it all, we completely forgot to remember where we stored everything. For example, when it came to finding somewhere to stay on our way to Bilbao, I didn’t have a Danny where the guide books were. I ‘deliberately’ put them somewhere safe because I knew I wouldn’t need them until after Christmas. I found it in the end on the shelf above the boiler which I had completely forgotten even existed. Getting things out of the van has been a bit like the morning after moving into your new house when you really don’t know where anything is because nothing has found its place yet; it’s amazing how much stuff you can lose in such a small space.

I will have to draw up a list of things I should have bought with us and another list of things I shouldn’t have bothered with. On the ‘should have’ list, a dustpan and brush is definitely top of the list. I can’t believe I forgot that and I can’t believe how many times I’ve been reminded for forgetting it. I thought I would have been given some credit for bring the modern day equivalent though, a Dyson hand-held vac, but it turns out that that will actually end up on the ‘shouldn’t have’ list. For 99 quid, you don’t get a lot for your money. It should be sold in Sports shops as a piece of workout equipment; it’s quite hard work to use it. However, its least appealing attribute is its overall performance. There is no mains cable use and the battery (which has to be fully charged to work) only lasts about 6 minutes. During those six frantic minutes, the carpet is basically smeared with the plastic nozzle creating a static rub of magnetism binding clogs of hair and dust that can only be collected up by hand really. Unlike its bigger brother, the vacuum part of this tool doesn’t exactly vacuum that well so, overall, it has been a real let down, especially today when it actually stopped working altogether. If that isn’t a bad enough write up for you, the sod also takes up a lot of space too.

Anyway, the van was eventually cleaned and rid of unneeded stuff and we were on the road again by 10. It felt odd being in the spacious cab again after a few days being ferried around in my Dad’s Golf. I spent ages the day before with the three guide books, a large map and my Tom Tom working out a basic route and where to stop on the way. This has been by far the most difficult part of this adventure for me. Buying the van, booking the ferries and even learning all the things I’ve had to learn have had their moments, but they were easy compared to planning where to stop. I think there could be a number of reasons for this;
- I’m rubbish at this and at reading maps and planning stuff generally
- The maps are difficult to read if you don’t have a general understanding of what places are where
- The guide books are deliberately designed to be hard to use – some don’t even give maps of the areas they are trying to guide you through and
- Most places are closed because it is the lowest point of the low season

My experiences of France made me call ahead to the stops in Spain. Today I was lucky that this only took me about 45 minutes in all and that the first two places I called were open and spoke a bit of English. I also deliberately chose the largest sites because they are more likely to be easier to find or be known by the locals if I get lost. Having the Tom Tom helped work out how long the driving would take so it made the planning a bit easier. My journey up to Bilbao is now split into two 5 hours drives leaving me just outside Bilbao itself the night before the ferry leaves.

We drove up to Madrid today along more peage and some very bumpy roads and steep hills. The route took us straight through the middle of Madrid which was great. However, it played havoc with the Tom Tom because the streets were filled with overhanging Christmas decorations which blocked the satellite signal meaning I had to use my instinct a couple of times and just head north. We arrived at our chosen site and were charged a humongous 51 Euros for parking and showers. No bar, restaurant, internet, nothing. Just a car park and a shower block. Still, as Mrs.F observed, it is very safe and a reasonable premium to pay really...

feliz navidad...

we made it here safe and well but very tired. we have been here without internet ever since. we shall be back on the road soon to begin our trip home...

Zig Zag Video...

This is us coming down one of the crazy sections of the A75


Click this link if the video fails to load... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rv68EX7usA8

Day 4 Beziers to Vilanova Spain (300’ish miles)

Today was all about getting to Spain which involved spending most of the day on the A9.  Before we left the overnight stop, we had a wander around to make sure that our first impressions were fair.   It took all of 18 seconds to determine that, in fact, the place was minging.  It looked like a summer caravan park kept open for stragglers like us and as we were the only ones on-site, we got a clear sense of being in the way and not wanted.   Once again, there was no water facility nor drain down facility.  The hose pipe assembly I had packed wasn't long enough to reach the tap so we had another morning of pouring freezing water over our hands and feet.   I REALLY wished I had bought that portable container and depth charge pump now.  Before leaving, we had to pay for the 'services' provided.   Given the lack of water, drain down and hot showers, plus the entire lack of any form of entertainment like a bar, we were hugely surprised when asked to cough up a whopping 30 Euros.   What?  How much?  Still, you can't put a price on peace of mind.

 

We trudged along and up and down a series of hills for a couple of hours until we reached the border.  The roads were far busier than the last few days and the winds were very high.  We stopped off at Catalan and drained down.  Whilst there, I remembered being told how good a stop this place was but how unsafe it would be for an overnight stop.   I later found out exactly how unsafe it was when I met a couple who had stopped over there the night before and found themselves on the wrong end of a gassing and forced robbery.   Everything they had was stolen and they didn't hear a thing.  Even their jewellery was removed from them.  Fortunately, they were unharmed, but their Christmas is now well and truly crackered.   That 30 Euros suddenly felt cheap and thank God I took the advice I received from the website about stopping at these places.

 

Crossing the border was underwhelming but nevertheless an event to remember because it at least meant we were now in Spain.   Shortly after this, we topped over a thousand miles in total on the road since we left home and at that precise moment that is when we also met our first traffic jam. I couldn't help but observe how well behaved the traffic throughout France had been whereas in Spain, it is very much like the 3 Musketeers; all for one and one for all.  A bit worrying really given the dimensions and lack of flexibility in the white whale.

 

I had planned to tour Barcelona, but chose to abandon that idea when we got stuck amongst 10,000 Dartagnions without a sword with which to defend ourselves.   The most troubling bit of driving so far for sure.  Maybe if I hadn't had four children in the van with me, I might have persevered.   As it was, I continued onto Vilanova towards a campsite I had pre-programmed into the Tom Tom using the long/latitude from their website.  I hadn't done this before, so was looking forward to seeing how it performed.   With 10 kilometres to go, I saw a huge sign telling us our site was next left and then 1km on the right.  When we reached the gates, the Tom Tom suddenly displayed the 'finish line' but with the planned route coming in from a different direction.   If we had stuck with the Tom Tom, we would have still made it, but we would have had to travel 10km further.  One of the drawbacks of only having the major roads installed I guess.

 

Both Mrs. F and I are surprised at how well the children are behaving, not because they are naughty per se, but because whilst this van is well equipped and superbly designed, it is nevertheless still a very small place for two adults and four children to occupy 22 hours a day.   I thought it would be difficult for all of us to go to bed and get up at the same time, but somehow it has worked remarkably well.  In fact, odd as it may sound, it doesn't feel like I have spent much time with the children at all.   I seem to have always been up front and they seem always to be down the back.  Today they didn't want the bed put away at the back today so spent most of the time laying down and chilling out.

 

The site at Villanova is massive.  It has the biggest swimming pool I have ever seen, a huge supermarket, lovely restaurant and fantastic saunas and spa.   And it was cheaper than the last site we were on.  For all the wrong reasons though, it still reminds us a bit of Els Belles from the Carry on Abroad film.   It even had a hairy bloke playing a harpsichord in the bar which I assume is a bit, er authentic, isn't it?

 

Having spent 7 hours driving (on and off), the kids were excited at about 9pm when some decent music arrived on their radio.   The volume was cranked up a bit but to our embarrassment, within 2 minutes there was knock at the door.  "Can you turn it down" was the clear message from the very droll woman standing there in her dressing gown.  I could see where she was coming from, it was bloody ten to nine after all.

 

Anyway, that hasn't stopped us thinking that we want to stay here another night.  This van is just so good for us and the place is so full of things to do that we would probably be daft to rush to the olds.   Having missed Barcelona, we might as well stop off here and at least have a couple of hours on the beach n'est pas?

 

We are really enjoying our Christmas trip, but if there is one thing missing so far, it's, well, Christmas.  It just doesn't feel Christmasey enough really.  We put the relevant CD on today, but it still didn't do it for me.  Maybe it's because the sun keeps shining…

 

 

 

 

Day 3 – Clermont Ferrand to Beziers 245 miles

After a first night spent qualifying for an Olympic medal in shivering, night two was spent sweating it out like a druggy denied his weed. To everyone’s discomfort, I haven’t quite mastered the heater yet and so have made our snore time either too cold or too hot. Hopefully I’ll get it just right tonight. On the first night I set the heater to number 9 on 1000 watts. On day two, I set it to number 9 on 2000 watts. Tonight I think I’ll try number 6 on 2000 watts and if that doesn’t work, I’ll delegate the task to Mrs. F and blame her. It doesn’t help keep travelling south because the temperature is changing to become more mild.

Today was spent mostly on the A75, after we managed to find it that is. With six of us in the overheated van, there was a lot of condensation. Not just at the front, but also at the back. Somehow the Tom Tom got very damp and as a result, it wouldn’t work at all this morning. Panick ensued. ‘Told you so’s were ringing in my ears. This meant having to ask the martian voice of the AutoRoute 2007 to navigate which it probably did quite well but we couldn’t hear its instructions for laughter. The way it announces its instructions is hilarious and sometimes the instructions are so long winded that you have missed the turning before you’ve actually been told to take it. It is clear therefore that the Tom Tom is way ahead in the ‘do this, do that’ category but the AutoRoute is nevertheless very handy for telling you exactly where you are when you need to know. It’s also better at planning a route etc.
I have to say that today’s journey was one of the most amazing I have made in a road vehicle. The scenery, the wildlife, the roads and the general excitement of the changing views was just fantastic. For the first time, it actually felt like we were on holiday and really started enjoying ourselves. We stopped off at a service area sat on a mountain region more than 1000 meters above sea level. It was so cold that the air was frozen, as were all of the trees and plants. We stopped initially purely for the novelty value with the snow etc but fortunately there was a grey water disposal area which enabled me to empty the tank as I should have done two days before. Whoops. It was obviously very full because it came gushing out and took at least 5 minutes to empty.

What goes up must come down and thank god. We went up and down more times today than a whore’s drawers! There must have been 50 high bridges or viaducts, some of which were very scary for someone like me who suffers from ‘I must jump off’ syndrome. The highlight however was the Millau Bridge. This construction spanning some 2500 kilometres at 800 metres high is just amazing as you approach it. Going over it is less exciting actually because part of its design is to reduce the windspeed by having deflectors on each side. This has the effect of blocking any view. A bit of a shame really, but still massively impressive. We did record the crossing or we did think we had recorded the crossing but, in fact, managed to do the pause/record confusion thing and didn’t get a single frame.

After the bridge came the trauma of finding another secure place to stay tonight. Mrs. F frowned into those books for well over an hour before announcing our destination. I pumped that into the Tom Tom (which had suddenly started working again) and we arrived at about 4 pm. Despite the book’s assurances, it was closed. I found someone nearby and in my best Franglaise managed to be redirected to another place. When I say ‘managed to’, what I mean is that I had no idea where I was going at all. I didn’t fess up to this of course but just kept driving and staring at the street signs for inspiration whilst Mrs. F frowned even harder into the Aires book. This is set to become a part of the routine and is, so far, the only aspect our trip to be causing some stress. We don’t want to wild camp yet there are few places to stay in that are open this time of year. I am beginning to regret not planning all of our stops as thoroughly as our first.

Fortunately, I spotted a tourist office just off the main road who directed us to a place nearby. We got there at 4.59 just a minute before it closed. Phew. Yet another close shave and a real worry for a time. This place is called Vias near Beziers and it looks like the whole area only really caters for the high season. We are the only one on site which has 16 amp hook up and showers. The whole area looks like a set from Scooby Doo where the baddy men spring out from behind unused roller coasters or run around the empty go-kart tracks.

At the tourist office eariler, I managed to hack their wireless network and connect to the internet. Other than when my 3g phone worked earlier today, that is the first internet access I have had on this trip which is a surprise. The 16 year old is getting withdrawal symptoms so I might just park up outside the tourist office for an hour or so in the morning to let him stoke up a bit.

We used the local Supermarchet to by ingredients for our dinner and cooked another cracking selection for everyone. One again, having two seating areas really added value to our experience which, overall, has made us feelreally mpressed with our choice of van.

Tomorrow we are heading to Barcelona where we hope to park up and have a decent wander. We think we already have somewhere to stay and hope its open so we can avoid that sinking panic we have had for the last two evenings…

Day 2 Eaux Pisseaux to Cyrat (Near Clermont Ferrand) – 330 miles

The farm was the perfect place for us to initiate our overseas overnight experience.  Quiet and almost empty.   The night was very peaceful and everyone had a good night's sleep other than the 16 year old who 'had the worst night's sleep in the world ever and couldn't manage to get up for the breakfast we had ordered.   A simple but nice breakfast with very hot coffee which was welcome against the thick frost.

 

The dunny was easily emptied into the chemical room and the grey water fell out straight into the pit as I drove over it.   Unfortunately, there was no water and as I had previously put too many tablets in the tank and made even the tea taste and smell like bleach, I had ordered Mrs.F to empty the water tank so we could start again.   Won't do that again.  We had to wait until the end of the day until we could even flush the loo.  I wasn't surprised that the pitches didn't have water; the place was minus 5 after all.  However, I was very surprised that there was nowhere at all on site to top up the tank.  I asked the lady who coiffed something that sounded like 'hat on day are Vienna'.  I hung around a bit and got rid of the condensation (there was a lot), cleaned the windows and mirrors outside and also cleaned the reversing camera.   Eventually I gave up waiting for whatever might have happened and set off, slightly dissappointed that the showers weren't available either.

 

We headed for Chablis and stopped there for a while.  Parking was a bit of a trauma but we risked leaving the van poking about a bit and wandered off to buy some cheese and wine.   Then we went to Clamecy and whilst on the way to refuelling (again) nearly had a massive prang.  Our system of 'clear left' let us down which meant I ended up pulling straight out into the path of a very cross French man.   How he missed us is anyone's guess, but thankfully he did.  The refuel stop here was a bit of a challenge.  I tried to pay at the pump but eventually had to rely on Mrs. F trying at a booth with a very bored French attendant.  There appears to be a conflict between the French and UK chip and pin systems, but after 5 minutes, it sorted itsef out.

 

After Clamecy we followed the N151 towards Nevers and straight on to Clemont Ferrand.  On the way we bought a map and some French Jaffa Cakes and tried very hard to find a place to stay for the night.   With the 3 books we have, we thought it would be easy, but, it wasn't.  In fact, we are really struggling to understand how these books work.   I can (just about) work out whre we have been, but I can't work out where we need to go to next.  Mrs. F found an entry in the Aires de Service book which she thought might be near where we need to be.   She was right and, what's more, it was open.  We put the village's name in the Tom Tom and when we got there followed the signs to Camping.   Fortunately we got here just before it closed and just before it got dark.  Again, we had the problem with re-filling the water, but this time, we were able to ferry water from the toilet block using a large bucket and pour it into the tank with the use of a converted juice bottle for a funnel although, at 600metres above sea level the air and therefore my hands caused a bit of a chill.   I wish I had invested in that pump now.

 

The van is, so far, proving to be perfect for us.  Having two areas (kitchen/lounge) means everyone can have their own space albeit a little one.   This afternoon, for example, we were able to have a movie show on the lappy at the back with all the blackouts closed whilst me and Mrs.F were able to have a chat and complain about the site books on our own up front.

 

The roads have so far been as empty as we could have hoped.  Most of the time, the roads have been very interesting, taking us through small villages and, other times taking us through wide open countryside.   I am now ignoring the Autoroute for directions sticking only to the TomTom mostly because of the conflicts they create but also because I only have the main roads of Europe installed on the TomTom which means I am less likely to be taken down an unsuitable road like I was last week in the UK.

 

The site we are on in Ceyrat is very good and the showers very warm.  It's high up in the mountains so the views are spectacular although we don't like the look of that snow...

Day One Medway to Eaux Pisseaux (341 miles)

In a remarkable flurry of achievement, we all managed to board the van and leave home just 15 minutes later than planned this morning, unlike the pasta pan and our collection of soft drinks which didn't leave home at all.   Hopefully, they are the only things we left behind.

 

At the Port, we struggled just a tad to find the right lane to get into for check-in.  The Luton at the front hid the signs a bit.   Queuing up for the Ferry at Dover without the engine running forced us to crank up the gas heating.  It was freezing.   The crossing itself was without incident and luckily, we were one of the first off at Calais.  From what we could tell, there wasn't another Caravan Car on the boat and, in fact, it wasn't until this afternoon until we saw another one.

 

 SatNav led us straight onto the coldest, foggiest and probably most expensive motorway in the whole of France.  It was probably also the quietest which was worth the money (31 Euros).  I was grateful that my first right hand lane experience was on a relatively quiet, flat road and before very long it was familiar and comfortable to me.   I even mastered the art of overtaking lorries at speed in which the 'wash' from the lorry in front first of all pushes your front end to the left and then it sucks you back in making for a kind of slew effect.

 

Our first destination was Reims.  We got there ok but then got lost in the city even though we have been there before and even though we had two electronic navigation guides (TomTom 510 and AutoRoute 2007) to help us.   It turns out that these two compete with each other leaving the driver and the co pilot confused and arguing.  This happened several times today which means buying a real feel paper map is a must tomorrow.   The map is especially needy because I have no concept of where I need to go through to get to where I need to go.  This means guessing at exits after toll booths for example gambling on heading in the direction of say Troyes or Metz.  Sat Nav isn't clear enough to help there.

 

When we first stopped for fuel, the pump didn't work for ages.  I had a mild panick when I started to wonder what French for Diesel was.   Der. When I went in to pay what seems like a 60% of UK prices, the driver before me handed in his passport before the pump was switched on for him. I wonder if that is normal or if I was just in a dodgy place?

 

After losing patience with each other one time too many, I ran into a tourist shop and asked the way to Piper Heidseck.   It was only round the corner and Mrs. F drove us there after moving the van out of the way of the car park entrance I was blocking.  She found it ok and wants to do some of the driving tomorrow.   We went on the tour of the caves and it was nice to avoid the queues and for the children to see how champagne was made.  A couple of samples and small purchases in the shop and we were soon on our way to Epernay.  We were now behind schedule so set off to our first scheduled stop at La Ferme de Hautes Freres in Eaux Pisseaux which we hoped to get to before it was dark.   We didn't, of course, but we did still get here relatively pain free.  From what we can tell in the dark, it looks like a nice place and is very, very rural.

 

Hooking up the leccy was a joy.  I was expecting an assembly of connectors to get any power into the van, but instead, it worked straight up on just one lead.   The power says 16 amps too although we managed to trip it out within 10 minutes of cooking.  The battery in the smoke alarm was ripped out within 5 minutes of course to avoid the skwarking it made just on a boiling pan of vegetables.   Our first dinner was a great success courtesy of Mrs. F's meticulous planning and also the high spec of the van's equipment.  The kids ate in the back room and we had the kitchen table to ourselves hidden by the very useful curtain.

 

After dinner, me and Mrs. F did something we haven't done together for ages and it took about 20 minutes including tidying up afterwards.   I haven't done the dishes for years and now I know why.

 

Act one of the bedroom conversion performance has just begun so it looks like an early night for all of us.  Tomorrow, we plan to go to Clermont Ferrand via Chablis.  We still don't know where we are staying and for the life of me, I can't work out how to use that bleeding Aires book….

Merry Christmas (part 1)

For the umpteenth time in my reasonably short life, I was pleased to see that the ratio between wrapping and unwrapping Christmas presents remains stable at about 30 to 1. Within a flash, our first Christmas sprang into life this morning. The stack of presents was unwrapped in exactly one thirtieth of the time it took us to wrap them up and the normal debris of the festive season was soon all over the place. I received the anticipated 'Andy' presents; tyre paint, emergency puncture repair etc but I also became the proud owner of some plastic fish. Hmmm. Apparently, that's what I asked for. Hmmm.

Anyway, preparations for our trip are well advanced and well in hand now with just a few final bits and pieces to load. The route has been loaded onto the Lappy as have several films. We are sticking resolutely to our travel plan for the first day (staying at a booked site near Auxerre) and will work out from there where we will stay next. I don't think we will be too adventurous so will not try to avoid the toll roads. The extra expense will probably be worth the peace of mind.

We are now turning our minds to getting the house ready for being empty for the next two weeks. Max (the dog) has gone to the kennels and Mr. Wilks (the cat) will be looked after by our neighbours in return for the loan of a set of cutlery, ten plates and the use of Mrs. F's immaculately pre-cleaned fridge and cooker. I wouldn't be surprised if this is Mr. Wilks' last Christmas actually. Mr. Wilks is named after a 'Fat Cat' director I used to work with. He's very old and very fat and has started doing odd things old fat cats normally do in their twilight moments. The central heating is still on the blink but we'll have to get that sorted when we get back. I'm not sure I want to leave the Christmas lights to come on outside whilst we are away. They resemble the Griswolds and are powered by a series of plugs, extension leads and timer switches. All very dodgy really.

Mrs. F realised for the first time this morning that as we came in below the weight limit of the van that she has the capacity to add more luxuries. Suddenly, the inventory has increased to the extent expected of a travelling superstar. I have had to remind her that the weight limit is a maximum, not a target.

As we are off at 5.30 in the morning, this will be our last update until we get to France. I've checked the travel situation at the Port and it seems the problems of the last few weeks have been resolved. The French strikers either got what they wanted or got bored of striking. Either way, I don't care. The ferry is due to run on time so that is one less worry. The weather looks like it will be kind to us too. The 5 day forecast on our route shows light winds and mild temperatures. There is a small chance of a shower as we approach Spain, but I'll settle for that.

Fingers crossed that when I submit my next update that I will be in a similarly jolly mood.

That's a Weight off my Shoulders...

We got the Van weighed this morning. What a palaver that was.

The place we went to was only 10 miles or so away but we still managed to get lost. Not a confidence boost for a man about to drive 1,300 miles in two foreign Countries. The Sat Nav ended up taking us down some treacherous country lanes which nearly resulted in a crash. The van took a bit of a beating from overhanging branches instead and now a couple of the nearside windows have some scratches on them. I read somewhere how to get the scratches out, but I haven't got time for that now.

We eventually found the place; it was almost impossible to miss actually (too much reliance on TomTom there methinks). It was the most minging site you could imagine and the guy 'operating' the weighbridge was as thick as thick cheese. It was obvious I didn't have a clue what to do yet he didn't bother trying to help. In the end, covered in mud, I wandered around the place staring into offices until, at last, I was spoken to. It got a lot easier from there although I still had to wallow in the mud a bit more before I finally got the news I had been dreading.

It cost me ten quid and all I got for the privilege was a printed sheet of headed invoice paper with lots of numbers and references on it. I had to ask him three times before he finally realised that, yes, I was actually interested in knowing the result and the overall weight of everything inside the white monster that looked so out of place amongst the Skip lorries. 3640 he announced. I pretended I knew what that meant, muttered 'kilo's I presume' under my breath and wandered back through the mud to join my family and all our stuff that we had hurriedly stuffed in just half an hour before. As we drove home ignoring the TomTom, we tried to work out from the log book if that was good news or not. My instinct said it was bad news but then I've been paranoid since the first time I filled it up with diesel. It is, after all, heavy fuel.

The Log book said 'revenue weight 3850 KG gross' which means less to me than the X Factor does to Napolean. I think I can be forgiven for being confused because whilst attempting to master this particular chapter in my thesis on Motor Caravanning I have been confronted with terms including Actual Laden Weight, Gross Train Weight, Maximum Axle Weight, Maximum Technically Permissible Laden Mass, Maximum User Payload and Mass in Running Order. Why does it have to be so confusing? Anyway, I didn't find out for sure where I stood until I got home and checked the Bessacarr manual (see what I did there?) to find it telling me I am allowed '3850kg MTPLM' and a Gross Train Weight of 5500kg. I'm guessing the 'train' bit refers to the allowance when towing so I think it means my van can be a total, overall, aggregate weight of no more than 3,850 kilos. Hoorah. That means I am currently underweight and don't have to be such a meany and summarily evict unnecessary teddies etc. It also means we can take more Christmas presents with us to open on our second Christmas Day assuming we can keep them out of the childrens' sight until then. What I didn't do, however, and if I'm honest I don't think was possible anyway, was have the rear axle weighed. Im not too worried abut that though because I am quite a way under to feel ok about it. I have deliberately stored all heavy items between the two axles.

We are having our first Christmas Day tomorrow and will then finish off our final bits of packing. My list has shrunk to an acceptable level now and only has a few normal last minute panic to do's on it like 'find driving licence' and 'enter route into TomTom/Route Planner'. I went out and bought a few more 'essentials' today including a canister shaped inverter with extension leads which should give us 240v power in the kitchen area whilst driving along. I might even find the time tomorrow to try it out.

What if?...

After the oil burning smell and the lights going out on me, I thought I might need breakdown insurance just in case something goes wrong whilst I'm away. I rang the dealer to ask if the van came with a warranty to include breakdown cover and was told definitely not. So, I got on to the Caravan Club and asked for a quote.

It took half an hour and whilst the lady was very polite, all of the measurements I gave for the van during the application process were just outside either the maximum allowed or would 'take me into the higher cost bracket'. Misrepresenting a risk is a bad thing in insurance coverage terms so I was surprised to hear the lady happily lie to the system, especially as she probably thought she was doing me a favour. Despite pretending that my van was a better risk than it really is, the quote I got back was horrific. It was going to cost me a whopping £152 to cover me for breakdown whilst in Europe for just the two weeks I was away. Another seven quid would have also seen me covered for the rest of the year, although given the false statements in the proposal, I would probably have not been covered at all anyway. This quote, remarkably, doesn't cover me whilst in the UK except whilst on route to the port for an overseas journey. I thanked the lady for her time and hung up in yet another state of dissatisfaction with the Caravan Club.

I fired up t'internet, filled out just a couple of forms, told the whole and complete truth and within minutes had much better deals from everyone I asked a quote for. I mentioned this on here and was contacted by some readers who told me that my van should have had a 3 year warranty including European breakdown cover. I checked the paperwork and they were right. I have AA cover for the first three years of the van's life. I can forgive the dealer for making a mistake. However, I'm really impressed with this warranty and therefore very surprised that the dealer didn't make more of a point about it (or any mention in fact) as a selling point.

My normal insurance documents have now come through just in time for the trip, so I now feel fully covered, if not fully prepared...

Review of the Van, So Far...

Ok, I know it's early doors, but I thought it might be worth documenting my first impressions of the Bessacarr E495 that I have bought and will be using for this trip. It will be interesting to revisit this naive review when I get back to see if first impressions last and also to see if anything else worthy of note comes up along the way.

I've never done this before, so please bear with me if I waffle;

Styling

I think the Bessacarr E495 is ugly from the outside. Sorry, but it is. In fact, I think pretty much all of the converted van based models are. Well, they just they look awkward. They are for motoring what Cherie Blair is to modelling. For me, compared to the new 2007 models, my van looks dated and clumsy, especially when you stare at the massive overhang at the back. My initial view was that the overhang would probably prevent me dangling bikes off the back and remove any chance of plopping a scooter or smart car back there. I would have thought that adding anything other than a few stickers would result in a loss of traction and possibly wheelies at the front. The inside is a different story however. On paper, the layout really suits us and our needs and the style/colours of the furniture are very conservative (you might say ‘nice’) unlike some of the garish colour schemes we have seen in other vans.
I'd be fibbing if I said we had an extensive library of knowledge on which to base our opinions, but from what we have seen and heard, we are happy with our van and what it offers us for the price. I'm sure our trip will change at least some of that.

Pre-delivery and Handover

There were a couple of issues with the van that I thought shouldn’t have been there when I collected it. One of the seat sides (the plastic bit) was damaged and the ladder had a rubber end missing. The shop fixed them straight away though. Despite explaining my virgin status, there wasn’t a lot of effort put into showing me how everything worked so I was left to suss that myself. It wasn’t until later that I realised I couldn’t lock or unlock the habitation door or that the driving lights kept going out. The dealer did resolve those quickly however and even topped up my diesel to cover the mileage.

Price

We negotiated around £3,000 off the screen price and also got lots of extras included either free or at cost. You could say that we are just good at negotiating, but it was surprising how far we got them to drop and that created a bit of paranoia about whether the van was rubbish and they would sell it for any price to any old mug. Some post purchase due diligence put that theory in the bin thankfully. We were just lucky to have chosen the very end of the season to jump into this unknown pool and just happened to stumble on an overstocked supplier willing to accept a good deal.

The Driving Experience
Before the one mile test drive, my only other van experience was when I hired a Luton Transit for one day several years ago. The test drive was terrifying but driving away after I had paid for it was just ghastly. Mrs. F was in our car following behind me. She was absolutely no help when I approached the first junction and somehow pointed this mobile vessel the wrong way down the slip road of a very fast and very busy dual carriageway. That was the first three point turn and not the easiest of circumstances, especially as I hadn’t had the reversing camera fitted by then. I think I did the turn in 7 points and only held up about 100 people. I was impressed with the high cab position at this point because it afforded me the opportunity to lip read some of the delayed drivers’ comments on the situation. I’m still not sure what they meant by Cupid Anchor though.

As I have documented on here already, I have so far embarked on just two trips out (400 miles)since bringing the white whale home; the first ending in terror when the lights went out and the second ending in joy when the lights didn’t go out. These trips have helped me form two very important observations about my new vehicle. First, I absolutely cannot get the seat in the right place and second, the drive itself (notwithstanding said inadequate positioning) is very pleasing and indeed easy. The ride is a bit wobbly (mostly side to side from the wind) but all of the controls are easy to get at and the gearbox has really loosened up and is easy to use now (although Mrs. F still struggles to find 5th). The steering is light but a bit random mixing under with over steer for no apparent reason. The foot pedals are almost in the right place but around town I find myself sort of holding my right foot off the ground a bit which makes my leg ache after a while.

I think the engine is plenty powerful enough, especially when you have reached more than 30 miles an hour. Ok, it might be a bit slow off the mark, but I think the power delivery is just about right and sufficient for a heavy load. I even got it up to 85 on the clock once with no material loss in handling. The engine is a bit noisy though but with no experience in the diesel department, I can't really form an objective opinion.

On the down side, the brakes are a bit crap. Sure, the thing stops ok, but there have been times when its felt like the pedal was touching the carpet; if I had been able to get both feet on the pedal, I would have probably felt more confident in the process. Perhaps I’ll just have to drive slower?

Fuel economy is crap as well, but then what else should I expect? I’ve no idea how bad it is, but to be fair to it, it’s less aerodynamic than a box of Shredded Wheat, weighs several tonnes, has got an enormous engine and is being driven badly by an inexperienced man in a hurry.

The worst part of the driving though is definitely the driving position. I just can't get the seat in the right place. I'm only 5 foot 9 and three quarters tall, but I still can't quite squeeze meself in. There is a 'wall' behind the driver's seat which is too close for me and Mrs. F. It doesn't matter if the seat is up or down or halfway up or halfway down, the seat is too close. Worse than that though is that the ignition key is set in a huge block of plastic that digs into your right knee. Whilst that is creating a dent in your cartilage, the other keys on the fob are dangling and tickling you. It's really, really annoying and a really, really bad design.

Extras

Like most of my vehicle purchases, I got carried away with the extras but, fortunately, I got most of them thrown in with the deal. By the time I signed the deal, I had spent all of two weeks 'learning about what I did or didn't need to add to the standard spec.

I got a solar panel that cost me £175 fitted. It was the medium sized one and so far, I couldn't tell you what difference it has made. For all I know, they could have bunged a display model up there because I have absolutely no idea how I might tell whether this crucial piece of kit is worth the money invested in it. I haven't made that particular confession to Mrs. F yet of course. I have simply pointed out the mass of wires and a black box with lots of wires coming out of it in the cupboard which I assume has something to do with it.

I ordered a TV aerial. I was told it was mandatory which made we wonder why it wasn't already fitted as standard. It apparently cost them 256 quid, but I didn't pay a penny for it so I feel slightly guilty for picking on it. Nevertheless, I didn't have a clue how it worked and it took me ages before I finally got a picture on the TV that I also bought as an extra (I looked at the LCD's but thought the picture was rubbish and they were too expensive. Also, the E495 has a very nice place perfectly designed for an old fashioned CRT TV so I bought a 15 inch one that was half price in the shop). I thought (gawd knows why) that the aerial was designed to always receive a decent signal like a car radio aerial. I saw the red dot but I didn't know why it was on there or what it meant. After failing to get a picture, I remembered the instruction manual thing and had a quick read. It wasn't that helpful, but it did make it clear that you're supposed to turn it around and raise it up and down. That took me long enough but I also had a miracle moment in which I learned that TV signal are sent on differing polarities. What that means is that pictures are pumped out either horizontally or vertically, but not both. So, sometimes the aerial will need to lean sideways and sometimes flat. The levers inside the cupboard facilitate the relevant movement and the red dot is supposed to help store it away again; I jump on the seat and look out of the sunroof though so I don't know which way is red, so to speak. Anyway, the aerial works and I didn't pay for it so I think it's great.

The reversing camera was fitted by my friend and cost £400. It is a fully wired set up and the cables are almost invisible, in fact only about 18 inches are exposed and that is only 6mm wide. I asked him to fit a wireless system because that is what I had read was the latest thing and I didn't really want cables 'everywhere'. He talked me out of it by saying that the advantages of wireless installation were outweighed by the performance. Apparently, they suffer terribly from interference and are really poor if you want to use them whilst driving. I don't know if that's true or not, but I do know that the system he installed for me (which cost about the same a s a wireless unit) is bang on. It isn't (funnily enough) much cop for reversing with (dunno why yet) but it is very very good for checking blind spots when changing lanes and also for backing up to our garage when parking. I can actually get it within 1mm of the garage. Easy. Other than that, it acts as a screen for watching DVD's and also has games built in, but I haven't tried these features yet. In all, however, I am very happy with it and glad I bought it although it did cost a lot.

The alarm is a Toad something or other. It cost me £300 fitted and gave me the additional benefit of central locking. It can also be configured to make the steps come down or windows open etc at a touch of the remote fob button. I decided to leave those options until I get back. The alarm also has an immobiliser built into it which definitely works (much to my annoyance actually) and which operates automatically. I have had some scares with the alarm and still don't know how to set it properly, but as it was a requirement of the insurance and as it really does work and I've also got central locking now, I'm glad I got it. It was expensive though and its presence hasn't stopped me buying a fog horn to use during the night to gather attention. I'm cynical by experience and believe people always ignore car alarms believing they are nothing more than a nuisance created by an inept operator and not a real attack etc.

The awning was another freebie which was supposed to have cost me £560. Yeah, right. I opened it (eventually) but I haven't used it for its real purpose yet although I've no doubt it will perform well. I don't understand why it doesn't come with its own tie down kit though, another extra added to the Fego shopping basket.

The storage cover was an extravagant expense at £220. So far, apart from winding us up when trying to put it on, it has done nothing to my eye other than scratch all of the plastic windows. It doesn't keep the van dry underneath and it is so bulky when you have removed it that I'm already regretting buying it. Maybe that wasn't a good idea after all.

Finally, I got two smallish gas bottles thrown in too. can't think of anything to say about them other than they are red and still almost full of gas. I don't understand why the thread for the adaptor needs to be reversed though.

Comfort

The cab doesn't have air conditioning. It does have a good heater though which has come in handy on both of my trips so far. I could have had A/C added for an extra £1,200 but a quick survey of opinion has shown a mixed view on the subject. I couldn't afford it anyway, so that is one option to possibly come back to. The seating arrangement is great. Four seat belts around a table near the cab is really good. The seats at the rear, however, are a little bit too low on the back which means we will probably spend a lot of time laying down in the back.

The fixtures are very comprehensive and now I know how they all work, I'm really impressed. I'm guessing all Motor Homes are fitted out like this however. I haven't cooked anything yet and I haven't tried the shower either. The water pump is very efficient I think (again, I don't know where the plimsoll line sits) but I think the sink drains unnecessarily slow though.

There appears to be lots of storage space but I'm still paranoid about the weight so I don't know if we will be able to fill it all up. I'm having it weighed tomorrow (we've been packing stuff into it for ages now) so I might have a better idea then.

Insurance and Warranty

The insurance cost £330 and limits us to 5,000 miles a year. There is no cover for breakdown recovery which I can buy from the caravan club for a whopping £152 for my 2 week trip or for £159 for the year. That only covers breakdowns abroad (or on the way to the port) however. I can buy breakdown cover from Churchill for both the UK and Abroad for a lot less than that. Another gripe with the Caravan Club which means I am still wondering why I bothered joining. The warranty is three years 'end to end' or 'back to front' depending on who you talk to or for the mechanical vehicle parts and the habitation part if you speak in English. I think that is very good but it does mean having to pay for both types of annual service.

Summary

Overall, we are satisfied with what we have bought, how much it cost, the extras we added to it and how we think it will suit us. We aren't particularly attracted by its external appearance but very satisfied with its interior comforts. Time will tell if we still feel that way after a bit of time in 'wild use'.

Privacy? Too Bored to Notice...

Mrs. F raised the issue of privacy yesterday. She is concerned that with six of us living in such a small space for quite a long time, we might not find the private space we all need from time to time. Not just the parents' child free space but also the kids' parent free space. I guess what she means is that any one of us might get on each other's nerves at any point and won't have anywhere to hide from each other or from any boredom.

At home, everyone has their own room and can come and go (or be sent) as moods dictate. However, in the van, we will have a choice of two small areas whilst on the move. And even when we stop, I'm not sure how comfortable we will find leaving the kids alone with the van or for us to let the kids wander off from the van alone. I think she has a valid concern but I don't think there's anything I can do to address it.

Initially, I gave no thought to privacy and discarded any concept of boredom for the kids during the trip. However, I soon learned from the Haynes Manual of Motor Homes that power will not be available to the habitation part of the van (something to do with electromagnetic fields which could interfere with the vehicle's electronics such as ABS, like during take-off on a plane). This means the kids will not be able to watch videos or DVD's or the telly as we go along. It's not a problem for us oldens because we will have the scenery to enjoy and traffic to keep us busy (or we can watch a DVD on the reversing camera if we're really that desperate). But, for the kids, there are only so many games of 'I spy' anyone can tolerate and even though we have invented a new game of 'Caravan Car Spotting' (in which the first one who sees and calls out '"Caravan Car" gets a point), I think they will need some extra stimulating entertainment.

I have, therefore, 'borrowed' a lap top from work and, in addition to Auto Route 2007, installed several movies and games on to it which should keep them entertained a bit. Although the battery on the Lappy is very good, it won't last long enough between charges so I have ordered a flexible 12v fag lighter extension lead and a power adaptor which cost less than 20 quid in all. That should help the boredom although I doubt it will remove the 'I can't see' or 'he's sitting too close' or 'tell him to stop looking at me like that' type of spats kids insist on having in a vehicle. Apart from providing entertainment of the digital kind, I have invested in a few board games and card games too. I'm looking forward to seeing how they cope with the entertainment we had to put up with when we were forced to sit in the old man's 1100 Austin for hours on end en route to the seaside etc.

Although I have tried to address the boredom factor, I don't know how to address the privacy factor. Getting up (or in our case, down) for a wee in the night might prove a tad embarrassing for the girls as may wandering around in undergarments for the boys. I think we'll just have to see how we get on and see what happens. But it is a worry. The van will be very cramped at night and unlike our attempted dress rehearsals, we can't just boot one of us out if we can't hack it.

We have given a lot of thought to who is going to sleep where and have organised the sleeping arrangements thus; Mum and Dad are upstairs. Girls are at the back on the side seats, one on either side. Our 5 year old is on the floor between the girls using the 'furniture blocks' to make a mattress, but on the floor, not on the slide out base. Finally, the 16 year old is on the converted kitchen area bed. The consequences of this arrangement not only allows for all of the children to have a separate bed, but as we won't need the slidey out bit for the kitchen bed, I have removed the poles and wooden ends and will leave them behind. That means less weight which means more space for other stuff. The poles are surprisingly heavy and without the wooden end bits, the kitchen area feels much bigger as a result.

There's now only 2 more full days until our first Christmas Day and only 3 days until we leave the UK for two weeks of travelling gypsy posh style. I have got the number of things on my list down to less than 35 and most of the junk I bought during my Ebay spasm has arrived. Some of it might be useful too. If I keep my concentration up and get round to finishing the route, I might even end up clustering some confidence to take with me.

Christmas Comes but Twice a Year

We are leaving home at the crack of sparrows on the 18th December, one week (obviously) before Christmas. The idea is to share Christmas Day itself with my parents in Rojales, southern Spain.

As we shall be taking all of our children with us, to have a 'normal' Christmas (if there is such a thing) means having to also take all of their presents with us too. After all, Santa might not know where my parents live.

One of the side effects of being forced to be mean on the weight allowance is, however, that we cannot possibly hide all of the children's Christmas presents in the Van. If we wrapped and took them all, there wouldn't be enough space or weight left to take all the other things we need, and, boy does Mrs.F 'need' a lot of stuff! I've decided, therefore, that the only way of meeting all the requirements is to have Christmas early and hide a few 'extra' presents somewhere in the van so the kids have still got something to open on Christmas Day itself.

This means having to plan for two Christmases (I presume Christmases is the plural of Christmas?). This coming Sunday, therefore, the 17th Dec, on the eve of our trip, we shall be having our 'first' Christmas and then we shall be having a second one 8 days later. To achieve this, we shall have to get all our cards out early, buy and wrap all the presents early (we always normally leave it to Christmas Eve, like everyone else), and somehow get some of the (lightweight) presents into the van without anyone finding them during our week long trip. It also means two Christmas dinners and, inevitably, having to get Mrs. F two Christmas presents. And, somehow, we will have to explain to our 5 year old how Father Christmas visited us twice.

If Mrs. F is to be the recipient of gifts on each of our Christmas Days, I fear she may well have to settle for 'Andy' presents. For those who aren't familiar with the concept of Andy presents, let me explain. Andy is a guy who only buys presents for his/her partner that he/she actually wants him/her self. For example, last year Mrs. F bought me a Westlife CD. That was an Andy present. So was the Robbie William’s DVD I got for my Birthday and so was the box of chocolates I got at Easter. This phenomenon is named after a guy I knew who really did only buy his wife stuff he actually wanted for himself. His achievements range from mobile phones to TV's to a Playstation and computer games, all thinly veiled as genuine presents for his suffering and gem sparse wife.

Admittedly, some of our children's toys over the years have flanked the borders of Andy Land, but this year, I don't think I have a choice; Mrs. F will, therefore, be getting a nice new torch, a roadside toolkit and, if she’s been really, really good, a guide to all the ‘Aires de Services’ throughout France. I imagine my stocking(s) will bulge with a similar cache of camping related tidbits. Some batteries and a First Aid kit would be nice.

When it comes to our [real] Christmas Lunch, we are relying entirely on my Parents. The fact they haven’t cooked for us for well over 10 years is a bit of a worry, but I’m sure Mrs. F won’t be able to hold herself back if she thinks help is needed. For my part, I’ve managed to source a whopping 2lb Christmas Pud from Fortnum and Mason. Fortunately, it was an unwanted gift to a colleague of mine which means I didn’t have to pay for it, which is just as well because I ran out of money ages ago. I shall happily sacrifice the weight on the way out there because I won’t be bringing it back with me meaning I will be creating an opportunity to re-use the weight allowance on something else, like beer. Or wine! Thinking about it, maybe I should keep quiet about the Christmas pudding and wrap it up for Mrs. F as another Andy present?

My recent flurry of activity has left me staring at the letter box every morning like an obsessed Rottweiler. I ordered so many things from the Internet that I am now reliant on the Postie to get them to me by the weekend. I’m not sure there’s much I can do If they don’t arrive in time. I will just have to leave without them I suppose and give myself a good telling off if I end up needing them whilst we are away…

Getting to that list, finally...

At last I have a list to work to. It covers two pages and has over 40 'things' on it.

After our 'so what's left' sesh, I was so put off by the number of things still left to organise that I actually starting adding things to it that I had already done, just to show myself how much progress I've already made and, pitifully, to make myself feel better.The list has been helpful actually because it has brought a certainty to what I have to get done by next weekend. There's no room left for 'getting round to it', there's only what's first, what's next now.

Since making the list I have made real progress and every time I get something done, my confidence increases. For example, there was a real 'high five' moment just before lunch when I finally got the water heater working on gas. Might not sound like much to the veterans, but, to me, it was the final tick in a very large box to satisfy myself that I really do know how to operate all of the appliances. Until that point, I was pretty much relying on the weather to be unseasonably kind.

I had a bit of a restless night last night worrying about the van and whether it really does have a problem. That combined with a 15 year old's 'sleepover' ensured that I was kept awake most of the night and by the time Jack Frost laid his white dust this morning, I was totally obsessed . I had a look under the bonnet first thing and checked the oil. That was reassuringly fine, as was the absence of any noticeable leaks. To my eye, the engine bay and underneath looked exactly ordinary and oil/incident free. I went for another drive and instantly smelled the burning oil smell again however. I got out and smelled the exhaust fumes but could not trace anything untoward. I got back in and sniffed at the heater like a suicidal maniac desperate for carbon and noticed minute traces of burning oil. Mrs. F, as usual, thought I was mental and paranoid and suggested that that is the smell associated with diesel engines on cold days. She may well be right because having never owned a diesel vehicle before, I've no idea what to expect. I shall just have to keep my eye on the engine oil throughout the trip and keep everything else crossed at the same time.

I started the chore of working on the list and found that I was soon ticking and getting rid of boxes quicker than an impatient 'Deal or No-Deal' contestant. I was actually enjoying myself and only took a break to go for a joy ride in my friend's new Rolls Royce Phantom (like the one Alan Sugar owns). What a car. I quickly worked out however that I could have bought my van six and a half times with the money he spent on that car. I wonder if he will have six and a half times as much fun it than we'll have in our van?

Using the list as my master, I ordered the EHIC documents, I organised the first aid kit, I sorted the tool kit, Mrs.F packed some of the food, I wired up a Euro adapter with reverse polarity and I tried very hard to order a Camping Card International. I went to the Caravan Club website and, after seeing nothing obvious, I entered a search for 'how to buy a Camping Card International'. The results did nothing more than reveal links to documents containing reference to the CCI; nothing told me how to get one. I persevered and clicked every page relating to 'overseas' until finally I found a statement which said 'Where can I buy a Camping Card International (CCI)? - Please contact the travel information officer to obtain this for £4.50. Please note that if you take out Red Pennant travel insurance a CCI will be included in the package.' Gee, thanks. This didn't tell me who the travel information officer is/was or, crucially, where to contact him/her though, did it?

I really am not a fan of the CC website. All of my experiences have ended in frustration and been a complete waste of time. I feel as though further visits will be like watching a remake of Titanic and expecting something other than a sinking. I even tried (foolishly) to check whether I had received a good deal on my Ferry booking. I am going out Dover - Calais and back Bilbao - Portsmouth. The site doesn't support different outs to ins so I'll never find out. Even when I spoke to P&O and asked for a CC discount, they told me to book through the Caravan Club itself which I now know I can't do. I'll ring them tomorrow to get my CCI and at the same time I'll ask if I can book a Ferry over the phone. Even if I can, it's not much use for full time workers like me who only find the time at the weekend when they are closed. If I'm feeling particularly grumpy, I might point out how rubbish I think their website is and how it is all very well offering me a teapot or tie on their site, but what I'd prefer is something I actually need. I might even point out how surprised I am that they don't even have a chat room for their members.

I'm still a little bit worried about the amount of work still to do, getting it weighed and sorting breakdown insurance are a couple that spring to mind, but, overall, I think we're gonna be ok cometh the day. Mrs. F even had a drive today; the lights were on all the time and despite a frantic use of indicators, the lights stayed on thoroughout.

If only Christmas wasn't going to get in the way...

Problems with the Van?

If I didn't have enough to worry about, I'm now worried about the reliability of the van.

When I collected it from the dealer (Barrons, Herne Bay) I had to point out a couple of (fairly obvious) faults which were happily sorted immediately. It only had 20 miles or so on the clock so I was anticipating the odd thing here or there. Having looked at the forums, it seems as though I was blessed by the quality of the pre-delivery check (despite the obvious flaws), but, nevertheless, I was still anticipating a couple of hic-cups. I was glad, therefore when I spotted one early on.

When I say early on, I mean on the first trip out, of course. We (all six of us) went to Bury St. Edmonds (about 90 miles) and when we left to come home, it was getting dark. Imagine my surprise and terror when I turned the indicator on to find that every single light went out! Total darkness. The road in front turned blacker than a black thing on national black thing day and we instantly became more invisible than David McCallum. Eddy the Eagle without his glasses could have seen more than I could at that point and Stevie Wonder could have seen more than him. In fact, to any other motor, we existed less than our still non-existant list of things still to do. Fortunately, when I turned off the indicator, the lights came back on and we could see and be seen again. However, this process of jumping beneath Harry Potter's invisibility cloak repeated itself the whole journey.

The next day I called Barrons and a few days later they took the van away. They had a couple of other things to do as well like adjusting the habitation door which was very hard to open/close which they managed no problem. The problem with the lights on the other hand was more difficult, in fact impossible to fix because, according to them, there wasn't anything wrong with them. Er, hello. Calling me a liar? I had no choice but to accept the return of the van and since then, I have been trying very hard to work out whether there still is a problem. I haven't, of course, but that doesn't make me feel any better because I haven't been out in the dark and trying to see if the lights are working properly during the day is, well, a challenge to say the least.

My freind who fitted the camera told me that the problem was probably created when the radio was re-wired to be powered by the leisure battery instead of the cab battery. I didn't know the radio was powered by the leisure battery, and, if I'm honest, I don't really care much either, but it does seem kind of plausible. In any event, I hope they have fixed it but have just chosen not to tell me there was ever anything wrong because at least that way, I know it's fixed. The last thing I need is for that problem to still be there when I get to France.

I took the van out again today on a 200 mile trip. I was aiming to familiarise myself with the handling a bit more and also get the van weighed. I thought I might also benefit from some more general experience. I was right. Within 50 yards and one bend, doors swung open, things slid about and the waste bin that had been near the sink flew about a bit and crashed into hundreds of bits on the floor. Mrs.F loved that bin. I tied everything down, closed every door properly and moved on. I then stopped and checked the aerial and steps, but that was just paranoi stepping in.

I drove to a freind's house that I hadn't been to before and the Tom Tom took us right there. Brilliant. It brought us back home again but, oddly, using a different route. A bit like Mrs.F in a way. The only concern that I have with the TomTom now in relation to my trip is that it makes no regard for the size of the vehicle it sits in. For example, there were a couple of country lanes today where tree branches whipped the side of the van and a hump-back bridge moment which could have been nasty. I hope it doesn't take me down any dodgy roads in France. The other worrying factor of Tom Tom's is that it is only as good as the person setting the route into it. I completely forgot to programme the weighbridge's address into it which meant I didn't get the van weiged after all. Der. That's a problem, because the next time available for me to get it weighed is next Saturday which is likely to interrupt the packing performance. Ho hum.

During my trip today and again when I got home, I smelled burning oil. Not chip fat type burning oil but knackered piston rings type burning oil. Not the sort of smell you expect to associate with a brand new motor and one I hope has been caused by a drip of oil somewhere like the exhaust. I'll have a look tomorrow and hopefully be more useful than I was when I had a look at the washing machine. If not, my trip could be even more challenging that it already is which reminds me, I must add 'Do I have continental breakdown cover?' to my list of things to do. That can join 'Get a Camping Card International (why do they call it a Camping Card International and not an International Camping Card?) and EHIC thingys. and another hundred or so similarly important things I still have to get around to.

Finally, they say we should try to do something new every day. It's not always that easy, but I managed it today. In fact I nearly managed it twice. The first time was going up the A12. I saw on the other side of the carriageway another 'caravan car'. As we passed, the driver waved to me and I waved back. I hadn't done that before and I suddenly felt as though I had been granted honourary membership to an exclusive fraternity. A smile broke about my face not too dissimilar from when I had a mini; a mix of jolly belonging yet slight embarrassment. The second time was when I was coming back down the A12 when the same thing happened yet this time, I was first to wave but the other driver didn't. That was total embarrassment and now I don't know what the 'rules' are.

I expect I'll find out for sure by the time I get to Calais, assuming the van is fit for the trip.